And Not You
All still and moving Photography By soraxtm (sorax)
All Music By Figment Topology (soraxtm (sorax))
All Editing by soraxtm (sorax)
Spoken Word Samples
1.”….Contract and secrete….” From a Physiology Lecture by Dr. Gerald Cizadlo (Dr. C)
2. “We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn’t there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly”..The Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)p.45, We Agnostics
4.”As long as we could believe with Descartes that if we knew something clearly and distinctly, we knew it, we were okay.” Rick Roderick From The Self Under Siege: Philosophy in the 20th Century (1993) lecture one “The Masters Of Suspicion”. 5.”That’s the problem of false consciousness. That’s why it’s severe. It’s you could be absolutely clear you have no doubt, and it could be a pure abstract cultural mechanism, and not you… and not you” Rick Roderick From The Self Under Siege: Philosophy in the 20th Century (1993) lecture one “The Masters Of Suspicion”
The problem is
when I start to think
there is too much
that wants to come out
the end of every thread
is hopelessly frayed
I start to write and
see through all the legitimate doubt
mired in all the competing
I know enough
I can never say enough
given the stamina
I would always say too much
Here is a brand new film. It’s started some musical experiments I was doing. I was playing this cheap casio keyboard and heard something so i kept playing the same thing over and over then I tried to make something similar using the higher quality fruity loops program. Part of the spoken sections come from an audio version of Slavoj Žižek’s The Matrix, or, the Two Sides of Perversion and another part comes from an NPR broadcast(inadvertantly broadcasting something uesful) adaptation of the Ray Bradbury story The Wind by Brigham Young University(of all places). The phot0graphs consist of various pieces from a MOMA art torrent that’s been going around.
The underlying theme is always somewhere beyond my immediate grasp so if there are strange and disturbing things in it they weren’t put there in any consciously manipulated way
,Ray Bradbury,mental illness,philosophy,outsider, alienation, photography, art, minimalist,
Today who knows what happened. It just happened without much will from me. Some days I don’t care. I keep thinking “well at least I’m not my dad who wasted so much of his life and just reads a bunch of crappy master and commander novels” but then there is books again. I’m thinking and thinking and thinking some more. I don’t want to waste the time I have doing boring and pointless things. I’m here now I can do whatever the hell I want and I don’t want to waste it. But this worlds is filled with so many shallow vapid rigid idiots. Or smart people with something to prove who use there head like some Lothario uses his dick. I’m fucking bored. None of my photo’s are turning out right today.
This afternoon I reached a point of pure apathy and I had the right book sitting on my hard drive for times like that. I started listening to Waiting for Godot and its all there, fuck I didn’t even really need to listen to it. But back of my mind I need a project to dedicate myself to. Not just taking photographs because that doesn’t change things. I want a project that changes the project. I want ever-changing vistas to appear everyday. I was sitting in the dairy queen today and I thought how lucky I was to spend so much time in self directed activity. It’s led me to a place where the dairy Queen seems like some alien world. It’s like going through some virtual reality. I listen to the songs on the radio and I think about just what they mean I mean what the really mean and I look at all the different ways matter has been manipulated by human being to create all the objects every place i look. I can see the coercion in the process and the intent and the purpose of all the objects and then on top of that there is the pure form and color they possess. It’s just so interesting to think about a sign and what went in to make it and why it’s there. The tired modes of thought and and actions people take are so insane looked at in this way. People just seem to do as close to the same thing everyday as they can. People are driven by so many forces outside themselves to do so many things that they would have never freely chosen to do. But then it’s a short hop from the apathy I felt listening to “Godot” and utter hopelessness.
It’s like I just want to go up to people and shake them and scream “what the hell are you doing? Why? Why do you give me such lame excuses for existing? why do you spend your lives following other people around. Are you even alive?”
I haven’t done that yet. 😉
It is like now that I’m down here I stopped thinking about things. No wait I’m still here but I just stopped brooding. Perhaps I began to live a willfully discontinuous life. Before when I was drinking it was like I was in a large hole an I could never crawl up the side without the wall caving in on me. Then I stopped drinking and accepted the facts around me. I figured out something I wanted to do and a way I wanted to live and I made it or let it happen. I assume I let it because I have found that i have a lot less influence on things then I thought. But since I have been where I want to be I disconnected from the human force that brought me here. The old me that contained that “identitiy’ dissipated. I thinks its important to try to tease out what part of that was myself and what part was old habits of mind formed from exposure to unhealthy enviorments. I Fear the latter for some reason. I mean is it true this preoccupation with meaning is just an unhealthy character trait that certain humans have? I think that’s what Richard Rorty was saying in this interview I listened to. Metaphysics turns out to be not just unnessecary but a willfully unhealthy activity. The big Idea is we have reached the end of the evolution of human society and a nice Danish style liberal democracy is it’s apotheosis. Ok then if that’s the case then I am right where I should want to be only I still can’t get any motivation except the motivation toward motivation. Perhaps I am just giving off some heat. From where I’m watching lately I can barely make out any actual beings other then myself. All the other ones are just so confused and beside the point. But then what’s the art for? I don’t think I can be satisfied with pure form.
That’s right where Heidegger comes in. There is still some hope there. I”l have to continue this later.
He just pops up all over
I’m currently listening to an interview of a Heidegger Scholar who teaches at Stanford.
I have the Prof. Hubert Dreyfus‘ undergraduate lectures on Heidegger ready on my Ipod.
I always need to go beyond where I am at.
I have finally found a large amount of audio of Intelligent people talking intelligently
I have finally completely removed myself from the degrading world of the common media
though I have yet to gather around me many other people who are of like mind.
Andrew Mitchell on the Philosophy of Martin Heidegger (10-18-05)