Making Films Again–Baby Steps

Well today I decided to make a film that would incorporate my HDR photography. For a few months now I have been taking a walk every day on a path which goes over a small pedestrian bridge. From the bridge on can see a beaver dam. A few days ago I set my camera on the bridge in a particular spot and marked it by scraping away at the metal railing with a little screwdriver. This gave my a spot to go back to on different days and take photo’s of the same scene. So that day I took multiple exposures and combined them to make a HDR(High Dynamic Range) photo. This is the photo that appears at the beginning and the end of my film. Today i went back down to the bridge and shot some video of the same scene. I used that “footage” to create the middle of the film and also captured the ambient noises which you hear on the soundtrack. I used an editing program Vegas Sony to put it all together and then I uploaded it and now you can see it. I also made a time-lapse film of the same scene but i had to upload that separately as the program i make those with isn’t compatible with the one i made the film with..Darn. It’s feels strange to begin working on making films again. I look back on the films I created last year and I can see how inspired I was. I can’t believe I could ever have created those things. But back then I never made a connection with any kind of audience so when I broke down there wasn’t any community around me to really notice. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that kind of thing again. Today when I was working on my films I felt that i entered the same kind of head space or zone that I had in the past but man am I stressed. I feel like i’m ready to explode all the time. I’ve been taking all this new medication so maybe it’s just some side effects that will go away. So maybe eventually, slowly i can get back up on my proverbial feet and start creating stuff I’m proud of. Maybe my head will come back online. I can’t shake the feeling that I used to be able to think better. Or maybe i was just that I was able to maintain a different attitude. The kind of attitude that made me feel like It did not matter what people thought. That I would eventually find some kind of audience, That what I was doing had some kind of intrinsic worth, that even if I died alone and was forgotten at least i made some things that were great and if no one recognized that it was their loss.

27 Photographic Considerations of My Front Yard

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New HD video “Lacan Hangs Up on St. Paul”

Original Music,sound design,cinematography,photography,editing soraxtm

I’m saying that because is it involves the use of some new tool and it finally feels like I had enough varied stuff to put something coherent together.  “If you fail to understand the precise point the film is making than you have not understood it.”

So the name of the Film is

You may wonder how this related to the material but given the constraints of time I have decided to construct a longer more ruminated on piece of “film” and therefore certain aspects may only become concrete after a few episodes.
You may also question the style of the video and my only comment there is that time is what is needed.  Time and huge embracing screens or isolation tanks filled with salt and wired for video.


“Some have asked if I did not feel lonesome”
“If there were anyone else”

Henry David Thoreau Walden
From the Librivox recording

“Leading A modest life in an Idyllic fake… ….staged to keep him satisfied.”

Is not the ultimate American paranoiac fantasy that of an individual living in a small idyllic Californian city, a consummerist paradise, who suddenly starts to suspect that the world he lives in is a fake, a spectatle staged to convince him that he lives in a real world, while all people around him are effectively actors and extras in a gigantic show? The most recent example of this is Peter Weir’s The Truman Show (1998), with Jim Carrey playing the small town clerk who gradually discovers the truth that he is the hero of a 24-hours permanent TV show: his hometown is constructed on a a gigantic studio set, with cameras following him permanently. Sloterdijk’s “sphere” is here literally realized, as the gigantic metal sphere that envelopes and isolates the entire city. This final shot of The Truman Show may seem to enact the liberating experience of breaking out from the ideological suture of the enclosed universe into its outside, invisible from the ideological inside. However, what if it is precisely this “happy” denouement of the film (let us not forget: applauded by the millions around the world watching the last minutes of the show), with the hero breaking out and, as we are led to believe, soon to join his true love (so that we have again the formula of the production of the couple!), that is ideology at its purest? What if ideology resides in the very belief that, outside the closure of the finite universe, there is some “true reality” to be entered?(2)

Text by Slavoj Žižek As read by a computer(apparently).
It refers to the Phillip Dick Novel “Time Out Of Joint”
Which was a really neat book about this dude who does crosswords or some other mindless thing unawares that he is also somehow determining the launching trajectory of these missiles that are being fired at the moon.

“Classically in philosophy there was a distinction drawn between
Being with a capital B,
Which a philosophical way of writing the word God or Fundamental Entity
Being Big B.
one among which is dasein
Heidegger, However,and I don’t want to mislead you because many readers have been mislead
is no humanist.”

Rick Roderick From his lecture series Titled””Self under Siege” lecture series”(I’ll note where it is next time i hear it if needed)

Man-It’s beautiful here
I can see the whole valley

Woman-yes and there’s our cottage down there
it’s time to go back isn’t it

but we’re not going
there is nothing there for us.
ah the town’s empty no ones going back
there’s no reason to…none at all…

Such odd
such ridiculous houses”

Woman- “such ugly people I’m glad their gone”

Man- “Gone?

Where did they go?”

Woman-“I don’t know?

Man-“We’ll go back to town maybe next year,
or the year after that”

Or, maybe the year after that

Man- Maybe?


let’s take a swim”

Getting out for a change

I’ve been thinking about the concept of care. Like when i read  “In entering into a relationship with an object of desire it attains its Name, defines its personality, it comes alive by giving it intimate attention, it vibrates a Numinosum, the beauty of soul is brought out in a participation mystique.” I think of the relationships i get into with my various interests. Like how I got the idea to take care of the

Tullahoma Tennessee

Tullahoma Tennessee



garden around my house maybe a year ago.

I let that relationship grow and was able to see with more and more depth and resolution various aspect of the garden. Like what the soil was like and how the water ran and the age of different things.

I ripped up the floor of an old shed and stripped everything out and now I sit there alone and think about how



squatting(physically) in this shed on the dirt looking out the doorway I am physically in relatively the same material environment as someone in a third world country. I like to see the dirt and i think i desire to let down finally all the culturally instilled preconceived notions i had about the value of things.



When I think back just a few years ago i realize that I was involved in a culture of death that spread inaction and frustration as life denying stances became valued as death avoiding.

I am pretty sure we may all die but I am totally sure i don’t know for myself what that really means. It looks like no one around me



alive at all. Everyone looks and act dead. Everyone sits and sits and yells and moans yet accepts the limited horizon offered by the cultural worldview derived from the mass media.

A Human Is An Opening To Being

It’s important to get a “sponsor” in twelve step programs. Being based on a spiritual experience these programs offered the role of the sponsor. This is a person who has “got it”. Often times they subsequently “lose it” but purpose of the relationship is to transfer the mysterious spiritual experience. This it truly impossible to describe.

As a person who Identifies as an alcoholic I will never know if I really looked at life that differently from ordinary people. Perhaps some genetic predisposition caused my “disease”. Whatever the case may be I found that the only way I could truly put down the bottle for a long period was by completely changing my outlook on reality. I live under the assumption that your average person or most people never come to a situation were they have to change their behavior in the face of death. Its rather strange to have to just stop doing something or else.
In the face of this decision I came to realize that I hadn’t ever really seen a whole picture.
I had these notions about what other people thought and what I was supposed to do but I found my own reasons why I could transgress these rules. It’s not important how or what one actually does its the fact that ones own deeply held sense of what is right is offended. Fighting, anger, remorse, shame, paranoia there are so many ways to stay the focus of your own attention. This process is self defeating and eventually own realizes that inside there is something very much the same about all the other humans we come in contact with.
It behooves one to understand that the world is filled with people who may be experiencing things just as we do or perhaps entirely differently but they do experience. If we accept this premise then our consciousness should expand to include the people we come in contact with and ourselves as beings we have a reason to be understanding and forgiving of.

The word sponsor might be misleading in certain ways. It has the connotation that the sponsor is needed to introduce one as an OK fella to the group and to your higher power god figure. This is not the case. The sponsor doesn’t need support to the sponsee in any way materially or mentally. The sponsor brings the voice of the spiritual experience to another person in a time of desperate crisis. Thus one receives the most valuable this life has to offer at the moment of greatest suffering. I can only say this because I experienced it and that is how it seems to me.
The feelings of faith in the human spirit become very strong. One encounters hundreds of people who were just destroyed by life and their disease who never the less describe a new life that is better than any previous one. This leads one to inculcate the story/mythology/process by which a person can undergo a profound change. This change is like the change one might feel taking a psychedelic drug.

The amorphous quality of value we imbue things with changes fundamentally as it is a projected quality in many ways. It gives a feeling of power over the need to control things. Once one begins to see through things one realizes that there are only a few basic human needs which one is provided almost without fail in this country ,however very very few humans are engaged in any productive activity whatsoever. Things that are produced beyond food shelter and community are not really important. It’s not that we don’t FEEL that they are important because they are often the things we find most important in our lives.

Petulent Intelligentsia-1-4

But structurally- physically they serve no function to help one live. Cars help one live in little detached huts dotting the landscape but they don’t shelter or feed anyone. How many farmers do you know? How many carpenters?
So why do you work so hard? Why do you keep putting things off? Why does everything depend on money. This is because instead of spending our time in an environment of people telling a story of self transformation we spend our time alone interacting with the mass media. The mass media consists of two forces. The advertisers only care manipulating you into doing something you wouldn’t have thought off doing unless it had been brought to your attention . This fundamental fact underlies all advertisements. You have something of value they want and the only requirement they have is to get it. They just need money. You kinda know this but you feel that it’s OK and it doesn’t have anything to do with the content. But that just is not the case.


The positing of a need or a lack in people is the job of advertisers but it has spilled over to color all the media. The underlying message is you get something for nothing. If you start looking at the box pretty soon you begin to look forward to looking at it. So here is a thing that can capture your attention without you even really having to choose what to do or look at.


I suspect that the act of staring at a two dimensional object without having to move ones head is a radically new human behavior. Of course so is reading a book but there is a very very big difference. This difference does not mean that anyone is intentionally doing anything wrong. It’s just a mechanism inadvertently generated due to the funding mechanism of the mass media. This means that we essentially sell our attention to advertisers with the agreement that they either make or fund broadcast-able events that will in turn capture our attention. Either way it seems the majority of people are either unable or unwilling to choose what to do with their minds.

irst paoprizes

It’s like humans are just dying to to live like a large carnivore. We just get our our food then sit around looking at stuff or eating. As animals we could not have evolutionarily prepared for the advent of the next tool of transcendence. Like say a cell wall(suddenly cells!), DNA(suddenly evolution)every organelle a cell(suddenly specialization),,various forms of locomotion, sex etc. It’s like huge jumps in “capabilities” suddenly gel. As we get closer to our time we see things like flight and sight developing. It’s weird but it would seem that there does seem to be at least a rudimentary direction to LIFE. First it shows up in some environment like say A tide pool or a hot ocean vent and then “magically” forms appear which can live in other environments. What this takes it some kind of ability which which could not have come about through any experience in the environment the “new” life suddenly finds itself propagating in. Look at an eye It seems so miraculously specialized but this seems to be what happens to life over time. This extreme organization looks extremely over done but senses allowed forms of life to adapt to different environments. But really that is beside the point in a way.
It just seems like one could describe consciousness in a way as another in a long line of strange things like eyes and wings which allow life to somehow start moving in a different space. But then there are now a lot of flying and seeing creatures but it would seem only one conscious one. Wouldn’t it seem like maybe in the future there might be more than one. Perhaps as we can look back and try to find some connection between single celled organisms who interact among each other and sometimes(a a very simple way)us and all these huge multi-cellular beings. Viewed as singular and apart these multicelullar individuals(communities of specialized cells working as a system who boundaries are described by the easily discerned(especially through sight)demarcation between whats on the inside or attached to the bag of skin and what is outside and not attached). interact in ways that viewed through a humans eyes and looking at it western way seem outlandishly more complex.
Or to put it another ways the illusion that we experience through our judgment based on highly specialized organs that evolved for a different reasons in another environment altogether resembles the illusion we get when we use our minds eye or “self” to peer from whatever it exists to somehow “model” the eye as a physical collection of specialized cells that somehow looks like it exists to SEE/sense other collections of cells that are perceived as unities from the vantage point of what seems to be the “reason” the “EYE” exists.


So I propose there is another ” environment ” which our consciousness exists. The “place” of this environment may only be able to seen from the top down (as we model three dimensional space perceived through the physical eye( a collection of specialized cells that look like they are working together to serve conduit for the transmission of three dimension information which is used to model the world. The conception or model that comes out of an illusion created in the brain by a consciousness that exists in another environment but none the less only has “eyes” for our so called physical plane of existence.

Fair 014_17_20

In general A lot of the people who live in the south are uneducated limited sheeplike beings

I got a response to my Local “Hero dies for Idiots’ Post.
It was on my Deviant art site
I for one can’t imagine the denial someone who lost there child in the war
must have to go through.  Of course they may just be completely ignorant, It’s not like
there is an actual mass media outlet that does any valid journalism anymore anymore.
And no one really reads to learn they seem to read to allow themselves to continue to not think.
anyway here’s the comment I got then my reply
“It could also be considered truly humbling that he died knowing that, and willingly did so. That those who choose to serve in the military often do so knowing full well that the majority of the people they are willing to die for are the same idiots that protest their existence and label them murderers, butchers, baby-killers, and any number of other things.”
Baby-Killers there’s a catch phrase. I wonder if any of the pilots knew all the people the indiscriminately bombed. If something is wrong it is your responsibility not to take part in it. The war in Iraq is so profoundly wrong and so transparently evil that the only valid excuse a soldier could give for taking part in it would be some sort of mental retardation. Oh I guess you could excuse a person who has grown up without an education or I suppose even the standard American Education would amount to the same thing. Thee is no use in arguing time will make it crystal clear and once again those sheep among the American people, the ones that would just want to accept anything regardless of any standards, moral framework or basically any reflective thoughts whatsoever. A soldier is not an innocent victim. An innocent victim is anyone who through no fault or action undertaken by them suddenly find themselves dead. Anyway it’s good that there is such a thing as history because rest assured once things have settled down everyone will come to know who is wrong. Kinda like the whole slavery thing. )
Why don’t we take a look at history, lets see…let’s start with Alexander the Great. Slaughtered an awful lot of people but has that “the great” title on him. Lets skip forward a coupla thousand years…Howabout WW2? The great war, an honest war…lost, what? 40 million people? maybe more. A good war, though. Might have found ourselves living under the Third Reich without it. You probably would be in a concentration camp or working some rocket factory if they had prevailed. Or, you might have found yourself a death camp guard. Who knows. See, Maury, there are things worth dying for. There are causes worth dying for. There is honour in life, if you choose to have it. I like you. Wouldn’t mind sitting down and talking cameras with you. But you just don’t get it when it comes to a thing like this. You never will. And no matter how you respond to me, I feel sorry for you.

Well for that to work Iraq would have had to have had some kind of military power or something. See otherwise we’re the ones who are the German nazi‘s because we are the aggressor. But then the Nazi’s were trying to take over the world. Little country big enemy. But now it’s. Big country-but of unfortunate civilians in the wrong place

This isn’t about Iraq or whether or not the war is right or wrong, it is about a young man who gave his life to a cause he believed in. He didn’t fight to stamp out oppresion or save democracy, he fought for his buddies that were there with him. In the end, his sacrifice made it possible for the others to come home.

There is a reason soldiers are young, Maury, it’s because as we age some of us get way too cynical.

I don’t see why doing what you are told is such a cherished American value. I would think not doing what you are told would be more American. Perhaps that’s what lemming do. They all race to the cliff to jump off because perhaps they’ll create a pile of dead bodies tall enough to cushion their buddies fall.
Living ,as I do know, in the south I have really come to understand the subtle power of community opinion. I may not effect me as I understand that these are limited human beings living in fear but I also recognize this worldviews destructive power. It’s a power that comes from a populous of followers. In Tullahoma there are many many signs in public places that espouse the virtues of “Faith”. This faith isn’t in a higher power but in a fear based, willfully ignorant, boring view of the world. A world that is hell not because of its being the world and not heaven but because these people support and fight for the instantiation a of hell which the can then live in. I realize that most people are half-baked couldn’t care less selfish bastards but here in the south when they reach out to something larger then themselves all they can find is cynical fascist doomsday religious cults and hate mongering kleptomaniacal conservative political parties. It’s apparent to me that I’d better stand up and at least try and stick by some sort of uncynical belief that this world can be improved that one doesn’t need to create a hell for everyone. A belief in some reals standards like not killing other people if they aren’t about ready to kill you. It’s in the individual the these belief system have to dwell they can’t come from blind faith. Faith leads to corruption it leads to Nazi’s and Stalinists and hate.

to the contrary…faith and fear are different things. You are simply confusing that which you are ignorant of.
Also, to the contrary, Americans are among the least accomodating of authority. Contrast us to the Europeans who follow government orders carefully and methodically (for example, the Swiss Health System).
If faith was as bad as you believe, then why is it a fundamental part of every human culture? Even Nazism and Stalinism replaced traditional faiths with cults of personality.
The world is not a bad place, Maury. Quit finding evil in every motive.



It’s just that the “Faith” in other here in the south leads to people who are proud of there ignorance. iN A SPIRITUAL SENSE FAITH CAN BE POSITIVE. I can have faith that I am not alone or that if I perform certain actions I will feel better. But Faith as it is understood in this town is obedience to authority. Someone is always interested in what you have faith in because the benefit from it. I certainly don’t see EVIL everywhere. There are evil things happening. And NO faith is blind obedience. Most people do not ever wake up. Most people actually watch television. They are completely oblivious to to the fact that it only shows views of interested parties. There is no way one can have a discussion or learn anything through that form of distorted communication.

From going to a twelve step group I understand the positive aspects of faith but then the group I go to asks nothing of its members and gains nothing from them. People are free to have whatever opinions they want. Churches aren’t like that. Church distort the messages in the own holy book in order to gain things in this world. Look sat the southern baptists or pat Robertson or the catholic priests or …it goes on and on. Education is about coming to understand something without the reliance on faith. In America faith is only used to make people go against there on inborn conscious and do evil things like support the war on terror, the war on drugs, the corporate consolidation and media stranglehold etc. etc. Look at the discourse on television it is completely disingenuous. When the mikes are off the reporters say something completely different. It’s not like thy are journalists but they know they have to say certain things to support some vapid media view of the world. I(n the past people did amazing things in order to change their world into something better. The wobblies for wxample were exteremely radical and at the time they were considered subversive but they were able to understand what there power actually was and use it to get fairer wages and 40 hour work weeks. It was bottom up not top down. Don’t listen to your masters because they don’t serve your interests