Kirsten is Dead

Kirsten is Dead


She Didn’t let me take photos of her face
she was really striking


after a year or so

I ended up in a church looking at her casket

I could feel the tears dripping  on my cheeks.


that week

in the meetings you could

tell some familiar face was gone.
 It didn’t surprise me one bit to find out it was her.

People talked of her struggle(to do the right thing and not drink.)
But that girl was scared to death
and had no where to go.

She had lost custody of her daughter years earlier

she had two family relationships left

one with a step sister

and her deceased ex-husbands family

(He bled out in their apartment two

years earlier on Christmas)

They were both drinking all the time and
his body just gave out.

his family tried to help her

but that finally ended

lately she had only been sporadically attending meetings

when she was really healthy she would go to two or three a day.

smiling and reacting with her honest opinions

can you imagine what a pretty girl could demand from a room full of drunks

or better yet one particular willing man

sober and horny and out to save her.

but eventually they all get tired of her

so she ends up alone in her apartment

right there in a densely populated area blocks from two churches

both of which she had gone too often and recently

but nothing could distract her from that pain except drinking and when she did that

people wanted to leave her alone


she accidentally died alone.

Or she committed suicide

There wasn’t a note and she wasn’t in her right mind when she
took whatever ended up ending it all.
But she stopped

it was over now
the body lay
three days before it
was found .

you know

It might have well have been me I suppose

and that’s the fear

dying alone

At the chapel I was there with my head down
gazing unfocused through the drops
of water forming on my eyes
when her “father” ended his speech



a pastor came up

and stood at the little podium

and began
the shove all that feeling

into some kind of lesson

fuck him

he doesn’t understand suffering.

It doesn’t glorify people
it destroys them. A suffering person

is a person who gets blamed.

The glorification of Suffering is a symptom of a sick soul.

A person told me that the worst possible thing for them
would be to live a long life.

and how being around people

sucked the life out of her
how she would gladly give her life

for that of a cat.

Kirsten had two cats and

they were her only real responsibility and

she ended up leaving them

what’s left

Kirsten is Dead

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