Kirsten is Dead
She Didn’t let me take photos of her face
Or Perhaps I DIDN’T HAVE THE COURAGE
she was really striking
after a year or so
I ended up in a church looking at her casket
I could feel the tears dripping on my cheeks.
in the meetings you could
tell some familiar face was gone.
It didn’t surprise me one bit to find out it was her.
People talked of her struggle(to do the right thing and not drink.)
But that girl was scared to death
and had no where to go.
She had lost custody of her daughter years earlier
she had two family relationships left
one with a step sister
and her deceased ex-husbands family
(He bled out in their apartment two
years earlier on Christmas)
They were both drinking all the time and
his body just gave out.
his family tried to help her
but that finally ended
lately she had only been sporadically attending meetings
when she was really healthy she would go to two or three a day.
smiling and reacting with her honest opinions
can you imagine what a pretty girl could demand from a room full of drunks
or better yet one particular willing man
sober and horny and out to save her.
but eventually they all get tired of her
so she ends up alone in her apartment
right there in a densely populated area blocks from two churches
both of which she had gone too often and recently
but nothing could distract her from that pain except drinking and when she did that
people wanted to leave her alone
she accidentally died alone.
Or she committed suicide
There wasn’t a note and she wasn’t in her right mind when she
took whatever ended up ending it all.
But she stopped
it was over now
the body lay
three days before it
was found .
It might have well have been me I suppose
and that’s the fear
At the chapel I was there with my head down
gazing unfocused through the drops
of water forming on my eyes
when her “father” ended his speech
a pastor came up
and stood at the little podium
the shove all that feeling
into some kind of lesson
he doesn’t understand suffering.
It doesn’t glorify people
it destroys them. A suffering person
is a person who gets blamed.
The glorification of Suffering is a symptom of a sick soul.
A person told me that the worst possible thing for them
would be to live a long life.
and how being around people
sucked the life out of her
how she would gladly give her life
for that of a cat.
Kirsten had two cats and
they were her only real responsibility and
she ended up leaving them