just one long distraction

individal-032-edit-2-1-2Here I am again.  It’s 11:58 and I’m alone.  I’m listening to some John Coltrane Miles davis collaboration I downloaded.  I never listen to jazz—hell I really don’t listen to music much anymore-well shit that Coltrane is becoming to foreground—I’ll just switch to Eno‘s “Music for airports“.

Life is just one long distraction.  I listen to this and I watch that and I sit araound and look at pictures.  Where am I.  I get the greatest joy out of watching cartoons-well the easiest joy– I sure laugh A lot.  Strange how I came close to ending up in prison a few days ago when I drank all that vodka.  The next day I found this little eensy piece of a Bud from one of those plants.  I smoked it at night for a few days.  Boy did that rid me of  my of my anhedonia but shit I wish I were in Massachusetts or California or Alaska..

Did you know that marijauna works on a whole different neurochenmical basis then alcohol or narcotics or antideppressant or really anything.  We humans actually have endocannabinoids in our brains.  Not much is really known about the whole thing.

It’s always struck me as strange that we can have the genome of the human and the rat and god knows what all else and it hasn’t really led to anything as far as new drugs.  There hasn’t been a new antidepressant in years.  All the “new” ones are just drug companies attempts at reselling their recently off-patent drugs as new ones mainly by making them extended release which has never seemed to make them any better in my experience -in fact they are worse.  But where are all the new breakthroughs.  I guess when you look back at the history of science it turn out it isn’t something that corporations do very well.  The most important thing is for scientists to communicate with each other and that is just totally ruined in a capitalist environment.  Lots of money used to be spent on basic research at the universities but it seems that the companies have even taken that over.

I wonder how people can expect a company to do anything other than make money.  Everything that a company does is to that end or should be.  Their products don’t exist to serve the function they are used for they exist to make money.  Science doesn’t necessarily make money and to have a company that exist to make money make drugs for people is dangerously insane.  It’s essentially giving a drug pusher a monopoly on whatever they can find that will sell.

You might think that the Double-blind studies prove the effectiveness of the drugs they test but even that is debatable especially when the measure is some psychological test.  All the soft sciences like psychology or sociology are extremely prone to influence from money and culture and law and opinion.  God I depress myself when I think like this but I always think like this. I accept these opinions as reflecting what is really going on in the world so I’m stuck with them.  But I can go beyond it I suppose sometime sometime sometimes

My Eye
My Eye




just one long distraction

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