What Heidegger means to me.

It is like now that I’m down here I stopped thinking about things.  No wait I’m still here but I just stopped brooding.  Perhaps I began to live a willfully discontinuous life.  Before when I was drinking it was like I was in a large hole an I could never crawl up the side without the wall caving in on me. Then I stopped drinking and accepted the facts around me. I figured out something I wanted to do and a way I wanted to live and I made it or let it happen.  I assume I let it because I have found that i have a lot less influence on things then I thought. But since I have been where I want to be I disconnected from the human force that brought me here.  The old me that contained that “identitiy’ dissipated.  I thinks its important to try to tease out what part of that was myself and what part was old habits of mind formed from exposure to unhealthy enviorments.  I Fear the latter for some reason.  I mean is it true this preoccupation with meaning is just an unhealthy  character trait that certain humans have? I think that’s what Richard Rorty was saying in this interview I listened to.  Metaphysics turns out to be not just unnessecary but a willfully unhealthy activity.  The big Idea is we have reached the end of the evolution of human society and a nice Danish style liberal democracy is it’s apotheosis.  Ok then if that’s the case then I am right where I should want to be only I still can’t get any motivation except the motivation toward motivation.  Perhaps I am just giving off some heat.  From where I’m watching lately I can barely make out any actual beings other then myself.  All the other ones are just so confused and beside the point.  But then what’s the art for?  I don’t think I can be satisfied with pure form.
That’s right where Heidegger comes in.  There is still some hope there. I”l have to continue this later.